Help me Lord!

Today I prayed for patience, guidance and wisdom.  These characteristics are usually always included in my prayers, but tonight they meant something different.  Tonight I really doubted my status of “good mom.”  I don’t know that I have ever had this feeling before.  I am being honest with myself by admitting that I just don’t know what’s right anymore.  I seem to doubt myself more and more these days, and not just when it comes to raising my son, but about so many things.    

This dreadful thought came to me after my son threw a remote control at my little cousin because she hit him.  Mind you, he is older and bigger than she is.  But, for some reason she can get him so angry that he lashes out with tears and scream most times she’s around.  Earlier this week, he kicked a kid at school because he took his pencil.  All I could think about after witnessing his angry behavior was how I could have raised such an unhappy, angry child.  Here I’ve been thinking that I’m doing it right…so much that I often offer advice to others on how to raise their children.   

Today I was reminded that motherhood is a daily learning process.  You don’t ever master this job. You can be good at it today, and suck at it tomorrow.  In order to be a good mother, you must have patience because they will make you mad.  I don’t ever want to be as mad and disappointed in my son as I was today.  Mothers also need spiritual guidance because we need to stay honest and grounded in what’s right when it comes to our children; we can’t always choose their side just because they belong to us and we love them so much.  They need us to love them enough to call them out every now and then.  We also need wisdom to know when and how to discipline.  And, we need to know how to stand our ground when the tough gets going.  We need to hold our kids and ourselves accountable for their behavior.  I love my son so much and I refuse to let him grow up an angry person.  I am going to work with him until he learns a better way to deal with unpleasant situations.